Sean,
Today is my first Fathers day since your birth and I want to take a minute and first sat that I am so happy that I have the opportunity to be your Dad. There is not much I can say about how much it means to me just that it gives me a lot of purpose in many things in life to know that not only is it my job to help raise you right, it is my privilege to watch you learn and grow as a result of that.
There is a lot more to "fathering" than just to give half your children's genetic code. There have been people in my life that were father figures to me whether or not they were my Father, or even fathers themselves. Being a father is about helping teach your children what is right and what is wrong. To stand behind them and support them when it feels like no one else does, and as a boy being a father is about showing your son how a man is supposed to act and be.
Some people will teach you what it is to be a man, in negative ways. They will show you a way of being that is inconsistent and in so doing will show you what it is that you do not want to become. Others will teach you what it is to be a man perhaps partially, things you would like to strive to, but perhaps in such a way that you will not follow it completely. Others will be good examples of what it is to be a man even if they are not biological fathers themselves.
Growing up I had several figures like this in my life, Teachers, Scout Masters, Older friends at church, and my own father. Each contributing something to the person I am today. Good or bad, I learned from each of them what it was to be a man and the way in which not only should carry myself, but also how I was to treat others. This is less mental exercise as a physical one. No matter what you say it is you actions that speak louder than your words. As Marcus Aurelius the 2nd Century philosopher said: "Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one"
Father figures will speak more in their deeds about how to be a good man, than poor ones will in their words alone.
I cannot speak about fatherhood from the female perspective but to say this, be the kind of man that others want to be around. embody your virtues and in as much as possible show others your good character. This does not mean be taken advantage of, but rather if you find yourself with those who will, remove yourself as quickly and as wisely as possible.
It is my pleasure to be your dad and I can only do what is in my power to teach you and show you rightly what it is to be a good man.
love you son,
Dad
Sunday, June 19, 2016
Tuesday, June 7, 2016
I am glad I am your dad.
Sean,
Last night you woke up at 4:30 and would not stop crying until I came to get you out of your playpen. You have been sleeping in your room for almost a week now, and besides things like when you stand up and can't sit down from the edge of the playpen, you are doing pretty well sleeping through the night and getting to sleep on your own.
Last Sunday I bought you an inflatable pool and I have to say, I have never met a baby that loved the water as much as you do.
Fathers day is in a week from Sunday, and last night, as it does periodically, it really hit me just how much I love being your dad.
When we were eating dinner last night you kept looking at me and when I looked back at you, you would smile and giggle. You are pulling yourself around the house on your arms, (it is not that you can't crawl, you just don't) and on more than one occasion you are pulling yourself up to standing now. It drives your mom crazy as she is worried you will stand up then fall down and bump your head but it has happened a couple of times and we are always watching you to make sure you keep your balance. Last night while I was doing homework at the dining room table, you stood up off the chair were standing just under the table and smiling because you did it all yourself.
You say Dada often and though mom is not sure you are calling me, I feel like you are.
Last night when I went to get you from your room. you had stood yourself up and just couldn't sit down. I picked you up, and we laid down on your bed and you settled right back down and fell asleep in my arms.
It amazes me just how big you have grown, and before long we may have to move you to your big bed since it will not be long before you can climb out of your playpen or you get too tall to do it.
When I think about fathers day it makes me so happy that I get to be your dad, I am not sure I need anything else. Sometimes you are frustrating, but the look on your face when I get home or when you see me makes all of it worth it. We definitely have some hard times, when I know you are tired but won't sleep, or when something is wrong and we cannot figure out what it is, things are hard. But, all of that being said. I love you more than anything and am so happy that you are my little boy. No matter what I will be there for you in one way or another when you need it. Life is not always going to be easy, but I will always be there if you need to talk about something.
On a final note the other day I was building a sword stand for my Scottish Swords and when you saw them you lit up and started crawling towards them, and last night you found one of my Maille coasters and mom had to send me a picture since you were fascinated with it. I love that you seem to like the things I do (though you are 7 months, who knows?) but know that just because something is my passion and love does not mean that you always have to do the same, I never want you to not do what you love or enjoy just because it is not something I do. If we share interests that is cool, if not, You are and always will be your own person and I would never take that away from you. If you are 10 years old and hate sword, I will never make you take one of my classes or do anything with it unless you want to.
I love you Son,
Dad
Last night you woke up at 4:30 and would not stop crying until I came to get you out of your playpen. You have been sleeping in your room for almost a week now, and besides things like when you stand up and can't sit down from the edge of the playpen, you are doing pretty well sleeping through the night and getting to sleep on your own.
Last Sunday I bought you an inflatable pool and I have to say, I have never met a baby that loved the water as much as you do.
Fathers day is in a week from Sunday, and last night, as it does periodically, it really hit me just how much I love being your dad.
When we were eating dinner last night you kept looking at me and when I looked back at you, you would smile and giggle. You are pulling yourself around the house on your arms, (it is not that you can't crawl, you just don't) and on more than one occasion you are pulling yourself up to standing now. It drives your mom crazy as she is worried you will stand up then fall down and bump your head but it has happened a couple of times and we are always watching you to make sure you keep your balance. Last night while I was doing homework at the dining room table, you stood up off the chair were standing just under the table and smiling because you did it all yourself.
You say Dada often and though mom is not sure you are calling me, I feel like you are.
Last night when I went to get you from your room. you had stood yourself up and just couldn't sit down. I picked you up, and we laid down on your bed and you settled right back down and fell asleep in my arms.
It amazes me just how big you have grown, and before long we may have to move you to your big bed since it will not be long before you can climb out of your playpen or you get too tall to do it.
When I think about fathers day it makes me so happy that I get to be your dad, I am not sure I need anything else. Sometimes you are frustrating, but the look on your face when I get home or when you see me makes all of it worth it. We definitely have some hard times, when I know you are tired but won't sleep, or when something is wrong and we cannot figure out what it is, things are hard. But, all of that being said. I love you more than anything and am so happy that you are my little boy. No matter what I will be there for you in one way or another when you need it. Life is not always going to be easy, but I will always be there if you need to talk about something.
On a final note the other day I was building a sword stand for my Scottish Swords and when you saw them you lit up and started crawling towards them, and last night you found one of my Maille coasters and mom had to send me a picture since you were fascinated with it. I love that you seem to like the things I do (though you are 7 months, who knows?) but know that just because something is my passion and love does not mean that you always have to do the same, I never want you to not do what you love or enjoy just because it is not something I do. If we share interests that is cool, if not, You are and always will be your own person and I would never take that away from you. If you are 10 years old and hate sword, I will never make you take one of my classes or do anything with it unless you want to.
I love you Son,
Dad
Wednesday, November 4, 2015
2 weeks old, Or the things fatherhood has taught me.
Sean,
You are now 2 weeks old.
In the last 14 days I have learned a few things.
You have not really smiled yet, at least not intentionally as we have seen but in your facial motions we have seen it and we love it. Right now you spend a lot of time eating and sleeping, sometimes we change your diaper just to wake you up so you will eat. You like to be swaddled. You like to sit in your bouncer, and sometimes sleeping in the rock and play. We are having some hard times getting you to sleep in your co sleeper, but we are cuddling you a lot with us right now.
One lesson I have learned is to keep diapers close when we are changing them, when we take the dirty one off if we are not quick to change your diaper on more than one occasion you have peed on us so it is important that we keep a diaper close and ready to change as soon as possible.
We are taking a lot of pictures, and your aunt cookie has been by on the nights I have gone to fencing the last couple of weeks. People are still coming by to see you and we are enjoying being at home with you. You are eating a lot of food now and we are supplementing breast milk with formula. Yesterday your umbilical cord fell off and today some of the scabs fell off.
We love you so much and are so happy to have you here with us.
Love you
Dad
You are now 2 weeks old.
In the last 14 days I have learned a few things.
You have not really smiled yet, at least not intentionally as we have seen but in your facial motions we have seen it and we love it. Right now you spend a lot of time eating and sleeping, sometimes we change your diaper just to wake you up so you will eat. You like to be swaddled. You like to sit in your bouncer, and sometimes sleeping in the rock and play. We are having some hard times getting you to sleep in your co sleeper, but we are cuddling you a lot with us right now.
One lesson I have learned is to keep diapers close when we are changing them, when we take the dirty one off if we are not quick to change your diaper on more than one occasion you have peed on us so it is important that we keep a diaper close and ready to change as soon as possible.
We are taking a lot of pictures, and your aunt cookie has been by on the nights I have gone to fencing the last couple of weeks. People are still coming by to see you and we are enjoying being at home with you. You are eating a lot of food now and we are supplementing breast milk with formula. Yesterday your umbilical cord fell off and today some of the scabs fell off.
We love you so much and are so happy to have you here with us.
Love you
Dad
Monday, October 26, 2015
Welcome to the world!
My dear son, Welcome to the world!
It is now 6:30 and your mom is taking a shower while I am waxing introspective on the cycle of birth, and the changing from one stage of life to another. It is strange to think that in a short amount of time I will be a father, whether I am ready to be or not. This is a big change as my life is no longer only mine alone but also, for a time as a role model and support for you and your mother. The only such transformation I have been through before was that of being married, where in one moment you move from being a single person to a part of a couple, to something more than that, a couple for life. When you get married you are saying that you choose that person for now, but also for always. Things may change that, but that is the idea when you marry.
Fatherhood is something different. It is not having a child then at some time if things are not working out leaving them. Like it or not, I am your father for life.
At 8:30 pm we checked in at the hospital and started the stuff to ripen your moms cervix and by 2:00 am your moms water had broken. By 5:00 am we were still waiting but your mom was feeling better after having gotten some sleep. Because of the medications that they have your mom on we have had to have have you monitored all night. It was not the plan, but we did it anyway. The funny thing about it is that we had been listening to it all night and the consistent rhythm made sleeping easier. It was a calming wave sound and its consistent rhythm had allowed me to feel that soon you would not be just sounds and pictures on a screen but someone I could hold and love for the rest of my natural days.
All of the day on Wednesday someone was with your mom. Your aunt Cookie and I took turns in in the room with your mom. Every time she needed to get up and go to the bathroom. we were the first to disconnect the machines and move the IV, then move it again when she was ready to get back in the bed.
We waited all day but she had not dilated beyond a 2. By 6:00 pm things had gotten to be too much and your moms anxiety and pain had gotten to be too much for her to bear so she asked for the epidural. Again, this is not something we had planned on, but sometimes plans change. In the birth plan we had 1 central idea which was respect your mom, respect the baby. The choice was your moms and in the end, that is all that matters. Our ideal has always been healthy mom, healthy baby and as long as we are able to bring you home, and we feel our choices are honored we have come to the place that it will be OK. Sometimes life is like that. When I married your mom, not everything happened how we had planned but in the end we left Vegas happily married and that was all that mattered.
By 9:00 your mom felt like she was ready to have you and she had dilated to a 10. Once the midwife got there your mom started pushing. The pushing took less than a half hour and you were born by 9:51 on 10/21/15. As soon as you were born we put you on your moms chest. and she got to hold you for the first time. During that time you pooped on your mom a couple of times. By 10:22, your mom was not doing so well and so I took my shirt off and we started doing some skin on skin while they figured out what your mom needed. You aunt cookie says that it was crazy fast the way I did it but I was ready to hold you and wanted you to have the skin on skin that we had agreed you needed. I helped them weigh you, and then you pooped on me. I clamped your cord, and cut it both the first time, but also the second time. You started your life at 8 pounds 15 oz though we are pretty sure that with how much you pooped on us, you were born over 9 pounds.
Within 24 hours we had not left you alone with anyone. Every time they came to pick you up, I put on shoes and went with them. When you were a bit over 1 day old, they had been tracking your blood sugars and they had not balanced. So they did some blood tests and it was decided that they would be keeping you for awhile. The doctors think that you had an infection in your blood and worked to bring it down.
We gave you a bath on the 23rd and you have been doing little more than eating and sleeping, but we want you to get feeling better so we are doing all we can to make sure that you are good.
The first time someone watched you without your mom and I was on 10/23/15 when your mom and I had to go check into the hospital as a "hotel stay"since your mom was discharged as a patient as she was doing OK. On that night you were also moved to the nursery for the first time so your mom and I could sleep. I had been sleeping for hours and your mom felt that it was better for you to stay there for a few hours. On the morning of 10/25/15 when your doctor came in we were delighted to hear that we could bring you home. The hardest part of the last few days was not knowing when you would be able to come home, so this was great news. We left the hospital parking lot at 2:47 pm on 10/25/15. Yesterday you had your first 2 elevator rides. and got to meet your Zia Mary, and Granny, as well as seeing some of your family that you had already met like your Pompa, Grandma Judy, Grandpa, and Ama.
It is great to be home. and we are so happy to have you home and here. Moving forward I will be writing on the blog I have set up for you. Welcome to the world son. I cannot tell you how much your mom and I love you and we will do everything we can do to make sure you are taken care of and happy when we can. It is a beautiful place, and I am excited to be with you when you begin to explore it.
Love you
Dad
As of today, life expectancy in Salt Lake county, Utah is 78.1 years.
A gallon of Gasoline costs: $2.39
A loaf of bread at Smiths costs: $1.79
A dozen eggs costs:$1.99
A gallon of Milk costs: $3.29 though you can get it on sale for $2.59
A regular movie ticket costs: $9.50
A 3D movie ticket costs: $11.50
the number 1 movie in America for last weekend was: Goosebumps
the number 1 song in America on Billboards top 200 was The Hills by the Weekend ( I do not know this song except to know that they were on Saturday Night live a couple of weeks ago.)
Over the last couple of days the weather has been cooler and rainy on and off.
You were born into this world at: 9:51 PM
You were 8 pounds and 15 oz and 21.5 inches long
Those are the statistics. Life is much more than that though little guy.
Story of your birth:
On 10/19 your mom went to the midwife with high blood pressure. Last night we stayed home, hoping that you were going to come when he blood pressure went down. On 10/20 I went to my appeal case then came home, your mom worked a while then came home, were we ran a few errands. We picked up some toys for Sam to play with and tear apart and a couple of things from Target for you, then picked up Crown burger for Bacon Cheese burgers. Your mom had Onion rings, and a Strawberry shake, I had Fries and a Power aide. When we talked to the Midwife she said to call the hospital about 7 to find out when we can go in and start what we needed to so you would get here.
It is now 6:30 and your mom is taking a shower while I am waxing introspective on the cycle of birth, and the changing from one stage of life to another. It is strange to think that in a short amount of time I will be a father, whether I am ready to be or not. This is a big change as my life is no longer only mine alone but also, for a time as a role model and support for you and your mother. The only such transformation I have been through before was that of being married, where in one moment you move from being a single person to a part of a couple, to something more than that, a couple for life. When you get married you are saying that you choose that person for now, but also for always. Things may change that, but that is the idea when you marry.
Fatherhood is something different. It is not having a child then at some time if things are not working out leaving them. Like it or not, I am your father for life.
At 8:30 pm we checked in at the hospital and started the stuff to ripen your moms cervix and by 2:00 am your moms water had broken. By 5:00 am we were still waiting but your mom was feeling better after having gotten some sleep. Because of the medications that they have your mom on we have had to have have you monitored all night. It was not the plan, but we did it anyway. The funny thing about it is that we had been listening to it all night and the consistent rhythm made sleeping easier. It was a calming wave sound and its consistent rhythm had allowed me to feel that soon you would not be just sounds and pictures on a screen but someone I could hold and love for the rest of my natural days.
All of the day on Wednesday someone was with your mom. Your aunt Cookie and I took turns in in the room with your mom. Every time she needed to get up and go to the bathroom. we were the first to disconnect the machines and move the IV, then move it again when she was ready to get back in the bed.
We waited all day but she had not dilated beyond a 2. By 6:00 pm things had gotten to be too much and your moms anxiety and pain had gotten to be too much for her to bear so she asked for the epidural. Again, this is not something we had planned on, but sometimes plans change. In the birth plan we had 1 central idea which was respect your mom, respect the baby. The choice was your moms and in the end, that is all that matters. Our ideal has always been healthy mom, healthy baby and as long as we are able to bring you home, and we feel our choices are honored we have come to the place that it will be OK. Sometimes life is like that. When I married your mom, not everything happened how we had planned but in the end we left Vegas happily married and that was all that mattered.
By 9:00 your mom felt like she was ready to have you and she had dilated to a 10. Once the midwife got there your mom started pushing. The pushing took less than a half hour and you were born by 9:51 on 10/21/15. As soon as you were born we put you on your moms chest. and she got to hold you for the first time. During that time you pooped on your mom a couple of times. By 10:22, your mom was not doing so well and so I took my shirt off and we started doing some skin on skin while they figured out what your mom needed. You aunt cookie says that it was crazy fast the way I did it but I was ready to hold you and wanted you to have the skin on skin that we had agreed you needed. I helped them weigh you, and then you pooped on me. I clamped your cord, and cut it both the first time, but also the second time. You started your life at 8 pounds 15 oz though we are pretty sure that with how much you pooped on us, you were born over 9 pounds.
Within 24 hours we had not left you alone with anyone. Every time they came to pick you up, I put on shoes and went with them. When you were a bit over 1 day old, they had been tracking your blood sugars and they had not balanced. So they did some blood tests and it was decided that they would be keeping you for awhile. The doctors think that you had an infection in your blood and worked to bring it down.
We gave you a bath on the 23rd and you have been doing little more than eating and sleeping, but we want you to get feeling better so we are doing all we can to make sure that you are good.
The first time someone watched you without your mom and I was on 10/23/15 when your mom and I had to go check into the hospital as a "hotel stay"since your mom was discharged as a patient as she was doing OK. On that night you were also moved to the nursery for the first time so your mom and I could sleep. I had been sleeping for hours and your mom felt that it was better for you to stay there for a few hours. On the morning of 10/25/15 when your doctor came in we were delighted to hear that we could bring you home. The hardest part of the last few days was not knowing when you would be able to come home, so this was great news. We left the hospital parking lot at 2:47 pm on 10/25/15. Yesterday you had your first 2 elevator rides. and got to meet your Zia Mary, and Granny, as well as seeing some of your family that you had already met like your Pompa, Grandma Judy, Grandpa, and Ama.
It is great to be home. and we are so happy to have you home and here. Moving forward I will be writing on the blog I have set up for you. Welcome to the world son. I cannot tell you how much your mom and I love you and we will do everything we can do to make sure you are taken care of and happy when we can. It is a beautiful place, and I am excited to be with you when you begin to explore it.
Love you
Dad
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